NEWS UPDATE ++++ Reuters reports that Giraffe related deaths in the workplace have fallen by 15% in the last quarter ++++ Gordon Brown has announced that he is considering implementing a 'Giraffe Tax' - which could cut crime by almost 3% ++++ A Lithuanian student is injured after drunkenly breaking into the Giraffe pen at the Kaunas National Zoo, resulting in a broken nose and collarbone ++++ Police are called to a Toys 'R' Us store in Bracknell, after a man in a promotional Giraffe suit is confused with a real Giraffe - and beaten to death by angry shoppers ++++ Restaurant chain 'GIRAFFE' defends its right to serve Giraffe meat to customers, despite reports that it contains 'Pure Evil', which can be dangerous to humans in large doses ++++

The GAE Times excels at providing our loyal readers with a variety of national and international Giraffe orientated news features, on a monthly basis. We pride ourselves on our intriguingly unique blend of broadsheet quality and tabloid professionalism.

Click here to access the market leader in web based, evil Giraffe related literature. NOT to be confused with the Gay Times, which is a publication for homosexuals.

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The Ten Commandments

Several years ago, God handed down a list of guidelines, or commandments if you will, to prevent the Jews from falling afoul of locust swarms, burning shrubs and other such biblical shannanigans. Baring in mind the obvious similarities - I have decided to follow suit.

Click here to observe the ultimate Giraffe survival guide. Read it carefully, as it may well save your life some day.

 

Giraffe Assassin

After a recent mishap at Whipsnade Animal Zoo (where we are no longer welcome) we have devised a game where people can vent their Giraffe incurred anger, without actually hurting a living creature.

Click here to play Giraffe Assassin.

The beauty of this game is that it is just like masturbation. You never get bored of it and you win every time!

 

The Domino Theory

'The Domino Theory' was first coined by former American President Ike Eisenhower, with reference to the spread of Communism in post war Eastern Europe. Fittingly, this theory is as true today as it was back then. Except you replace 'Communism' with 'Giraffes' and the dominos with, er, Giraffes.

Click here to watch Eisenhowers' legacy in all its irrelevant glory.

 
 

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